Coulrophobia
by Top Secret Magician
Summary: "I have coulrophobia. Yet my boyfriend is a clown. How utterly stupid I am. How utterly, stupidly, madly in love I am." - Yamino Yuki / A oneshot Valentine's fanfic for a contest. / Hisoka x Me ( TSM Yamino Yuki) / May be OOC.


**Coulrophobia**

**Author's Note:**

**So this is just another "My Own Love Story" fanfic for a contest, only this one's Character x Me. To be specific, it's a Hisoka x Yamino Yuki fic – 'Yamino Yuki' being me, TSM, of course.**

**Enjoy my uselessly long randomness of totally unromantic but stupidly cheesy dumbness!**

**Warning:**

**I have one word for this. Crap.:D**

**Oh, and OOC. Definitely OOC. **

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own Hunter x Hunter. Yamino Yuki is me (TSM), but I don't know Hisoka. I wish I did. *slams desk***

* * *

"My name is Yamino Yuki. And I have Coulrophobia."

This had been my first self introduction at X High School, and I was starting to regret it.

**xXx**

"Good afternoon, Mino-chan~"

"Go away, Hisoka." I mumbled, burying my head deeper into my arms as I lay face down on my desk.

It had already been a few weeks since I transferred here, and from the first day, I had gotten myself a stalker. He was everywhere, that Hisoka. And he was persistent.

"Let's have lunch together today, Mino-chan. I want to hear more about you~" Hisoka drawled from somewhere next to me.

"For the last time, _no,_ Hisoka." I sighed. "Go eat with your friends." I peeked through my arms to see Hisoka pout.

"She said no, Hisoka." A deeper voice spoke as a hand appeared on Hisoka's shoulder.

I turned my eyes to look at the speaker, and yes, it was Kuroro Lucifer.

"I apologize for my friend's…obduracy." He smiled at me.

I murmured something like a 'Not your fault, Devil', and I'm sure the two heard, for they chuckled.

"Where's your other friend, anyway?" I asked them both. "Doll Face?"

Hisoka and Kuroro definitely heard me this time. They laughed at the nickname – I had a habit of making them – and speak of the devil, the last of their trio appeared.

"I am _not_ their friend." Said a blunt voice. "And I am not 'Doll Face'."

There, at the classroom door, stood Illumi Zaoldyck.

"I thought you didn't care." I stated blankly.

"I don't.

And with the last piercing gaze, Illumi left.

"Illu-chan~ Wait!" Hisoka pouted. Grinning at me, Hisoka sang, "See you later, Mino-chan~" And with a wink, he ran after his friend.

"Good day, Yamino." Kuroro gave me a smirk as he, too, ran to catch up. And of course his crazy crowd of stalkers all scrambled to follow behind.

I groaned when it finally fell silent again.

Hisoka, Kuroro Lucifer, and Illumi Zaoldyck. These three were the most infamous boys in this school. They were handsome as hell, but nobody stepped even a foot closer to them. Probably because they were handsome _as hell._ They were all devilish, and everyone feared them.

For one, Hisoka had no family, and was brought up in a circus. Imagine how crazy that would have been. And was Hisoka crazy? Yes. Yes he was. He was the ultimate psycho.

And then there was Kuroro Lucifer. Kuroro had been abandoned when he was merely a baby, and was brought up by the hands of strangers in Meteor City. The surname 'Lucifer' was a name he had made for himself – a devil. A devil he would be. And then there was his 'crazy crowd of stalkers', the Spiders. Kuroro had created a gang – the most feared gang of all, the Phantom Troupe.

Last but not least, Illumi Zaoldyck was a source of great fear as well. He, unlike his friends, had a large group of family. But what the difference was about the Zaoldycks was that they were a family of assassins. The fact that Illumi was expressionless and unsociable did not help.

And yet, somehow, I've become tangled with them. Which was probably why I had no friends. It's not like I hated the three; they were actually pretty cool. And yes, they were good-looking. Hisoka, with his crimson hair down, his pale face always playful, was gorgeous. Kuroro, with raven dark hair and intelligent obsidian eyes, was just stunning. Illumi, with long silky black hair, large eyes of the same color, and a smooth pale face – looking much like a 'doll' indeed, was absolutely beautiful. They were nice to me, or so at least it was 'nice' to them, and it was nice to have somebody to talk to, but…

_Damn that Joker,_ I cursed bitterly.

'Joker'. It was all Hisoka's fault.

'Joker'. This was why I felt uncomfortable around Hisoka.

'Joker'. He reminded me too much of clowns.

Clowns, my greatest fear.

**xXx**

I had been enrolling in this school for a month now, and nothing seemed to have changed. Students still feared me, for I was pretty close with 'The Trio', and so I was always alone. Nothing seemed to have changed. …Or so I thought. Sure, kids still refused to address me, but something had finally changed in my dull school life. But it wasn't for the good.

"Good morning, Mino-chan~ Do you want to sit together at lunch today? It doesn't have to be just at lunch."

I sighed through my nose at Hisoka's usual greeting – he greeted me on every chance he got. And without looking up from my book, I replied with my usual response,

"Go away, Hisoka."

I know I should have been a bit warmer to him; he _was_ the only one to approach me. But then again, it was _his _fault that no one ever did approach me.

"Okay, bye~" Hisoka sang sadly, mimicking Anna's scripts from _Frozen._

My lips twitched into a smile at that. But then I forced it down.

"You really are like Elsa." Hisoka mused. "The queen of isolation, icy as can be."

"Shut up, Hisoka." I grinned, shaking my head. "I never knew you were a Disney dork." I still did not look up from my book.

"But I'll have to eat lunch alone today~" Hisoka whined.

"Hisoka, I know you have friends." I rolled my eyes.

As one, Kuroro and Illumi spoke from somewhere around the classroom,

"He's not my friend."

"See?" Hisoka pouted.

"Right." I muttered sarcastically. "If you're not friends, you guys must be heterosexual life partners."

Some Spider splurged out his juice at that – I think his name was Phinks.

After raising an eyebrow at Phinks, Kuroro commented,

"You mean _Gon_ and _Killua_ are heterosexual life partners." He casually flipped through his book –a feat I could not have done with Illumi glaring from behind like that. I could tell from the hissing the assassin was letting out.

Gon and Killua were juniors of this school.

_Ah, _Illumi, I shook my head.

Whenever Illumi talked, it was always to talk about his younger brother, Killua Zaoldyck. He had a serious brother complex.

"You shouldn't talk, Kuro-chan~" Hisoka smirked. "I know you're gay with Kura-chan." Hisoka feigned a gasp. "Or is Kura-chan really a girl?"

"Shut up, Hisoka." Kuroro glared, snapping his book shut. "I am _not _gay with that Kuruta."

Kurapika was also a junior of this school, though he was a senior to Gon and Killua.

"And he's male." Machi, a Spider, added.

Everyone stared at her like '…_How_ do _you_ know?', and she frowned, looking offended.

"It's intuition." She answered the unspoken question.

Well that must have been the right thing to say, for everyone relaxed, much to my confusion. Was she a psychic or something? But I decided I didn't care – the book in my hands was much more interesting.

But Hisoka seemed to have found the conversation interesting, for he didn't talk to me, but waited expectantly. But nobody said what he so wanted him to say, and his mouth drooped.

"Why won't anybody pair me up with Apple-chan?" He demanded, speaking of Gon Freecs, another junior.

Everyone replied at once.

"'Cuz you're a pedophile."

While Hisoka let his shoulders slump in disappointment, Shalnark whispered to Coltopi,

"Poor Green Kid…"

"So as I was saying," Hisoka continued, having brightened up already.

_Great. He still has more to say,_ I thought dully.

"Illu-chan will be eating with Killu-chan today-"

_Tough luck with that,_ I added.

"And Kuro-chan will be eating with the Phantom Troupe." Hisoka ended.

"Sorry, Yamino." Kuroro smiled.

_Why apologize to _me?_ You're making it look like I've already agreed to having lunch with Hisoka! _I mentally grumbled.

"So you see? You _have_ to eat with me." Hisoka urged.

Sighing, I closed my book and stood up from my chair.

"_No,_ Hisoka." And without a single glance at the red-head, I gathered my Biology books and walked away towards the Science Lab.

I didn't want to look at Hisoka. Because whenever I did, my heart would flutter uncomfortably for some unknown reason. Just like whenever I merely _thought _about him. I didn't know what this foreign feeling was, so I was going to force it out. I was going to avoid it.

"…She didn't even_ look_ at you, Hisoka." Kuroro spoke once I was gone.

"I understand that she wouldn't want to look at _your_ face." Machi also said. "…But she is very blind."

"Or maybe she's just like you, Machi. A Kuudere." Nobugana laughed.

"Shut up." Machi shot him a glare.

"You changed your appearance for nothing." Feitan drawled.

Everyone watched in pitying silence as Hisoka took out a mirror and peered into it. Even Illumi understood that his friend was not joking around for once, but was being sincere.

"Why can't she understand that I love her?" Hisoka mumbled, narrowing his eyes. His hand trailed across the face-painted star on his right cheek as he whispered to himself, "Tell me, Yamino Yuki."

**xXx**

"Why? Because that's _impossible!"_ I cried at the random street cat in front of me. I sighed heavily as I stared into the cat's odd red and blue eyes.

_You need a boyfriend, _it seemed to be telling me.

"Sorry for shouting at you, Mr. Neko, but I _really _don't understand why I need to engage myself with boys. I'm _not romantic,_ for crying out loud! I don't _need_ boyfriends."

I was currently sitting on top of the school roof, where I normally sat whenever I felt like escaping the crowd of students who trembled at the sight of me. I mean, what did I ever _do_ to them? Stupid Hisoka.

_Hisoka…_ I thought. Why couldn't he ignore me like everyone else? Why did he have to talk to me, every time he caught sight of me? I wasn't pretty; I had black hair and blackish brown eyes like any other ordinary Asian. I didn't have any friends – thought that's _his_ fault – and it wasn't like I was nice to him either. So why me?

"Why me?" I echoed aloud, talking to the random cat once again. "Why me, Mr. Neko?"

"Kufufufu~" The cat meowed in reply, and I stared.

Now that I thought of it, this cat had been on the school roof top whenever I had come. How did he get up here anyway?

"…You know, you're one strange cat, Mr. Neko." I told the cat. And with another sigh, I decided to walk downstairs again.

**xXx**

"So why do you like her?" Kuroro questioned Hisoka as he flipped through his book once again. "You're never serious about love. So why do you like Yamino Yuki?"

"She's interesting." Was Hisoka's reply. "To announce her greatest fear to the students on her first day. She interested me. At first I only thought it was interest, but when I started thinking about her all the time, I realized my mere interest became love."

Kuroro dropped his book uncharacteristically.

"Wait, so then…why did you change your appearance so that you look like a _clown?"_ Kuroro asked his friend curiously. "I thought Yamino hated clowns."

"'Fears'." Illumi corrected in a bored tone as he shifted through his smart phone. "Coulrophobia means to _fear_ clowns, not hate."

"I _know."_ Kuroro snapped at his other friend. "Stop talking like I'm dumb, Illumi."

"Oh sorry, I thought you _were."_ The assassin replied carelessly, not even looking up from his phone.

Kuroro frowned at the pokerfaced male, but sighed and let it go. He _was_ the most mature of them all, wasn't he? Instead, he turned to Hisoka.

"You should have tried dyeing your hair into a different color or something, Hisoka." Kuroro suggested. "Like black – she seems to like black."

"She does." Hisoka answered bluntly. "But she likes red as well. Plus, you two have dark hair, yet she doesn't take much notice of you two either."

"Hmm…" Kuroro mused. "How about trying contacts?"

"She loves yellow eyes – her snake, which is her favorite animal, has yellow eyes." Hisoka replied, yet again, in a blunt voice.

Kuroro blinked and shared a look with Illumi.

How could Hisoka _possibly_ know the color of Yamino's snake's eyes? How did he know she had a snake in the first place?

"Maybe you should try…reading and talk about her favorite book?" Kuroro suggested once again.

"She doesn't have a favorite book; she basically reads anything. She does like Rick Riordan, Tim Bowler, and Tim Burton books, but she doesn't find a story interesting enough to actually talk about. She likes debates though."

"Then try debating!"

"You _know_ I'm not like you and Kura-chan, Kuro-chan. My words _attack_ everything; not try to _reason."_

"Go to the amusement park with her?"

"In this weather? She's not fond of winter."

Kuroro eyed Hisoka suspiciously – he was _sure_ Yamino never actually_ told_ the red-head about all this.

"…What's her favorite sport?"

"Basketball."

"…What does she hate?"

"She doesn't 'hate' anything. She_ is_ 'afraid' and 'disgusted' of some things like sharks and spiders though."

"Ooh." Illumi stage-whispered in a monotone to Kuroro. "She's _disgusted_ of _spiders."_

"Shut up." Kuroro glared, annoyed, at his friend – who had gone back to looking at his phone – but then turned to Hisoka again.

"Why don't you buy her…her favorite food and…talk about her interests?"

"Her favorite food is sushi, but fish isn't so healthy nowadays – I don't her eating it. She likes the arts. Literature, music. She seems more similar to you, now that you mention it." Hisoka smiled, but his smile looked rather sulky.

Illumi shot a look at Kuroro. _Way to go, Spider._

Kuroro cringed slightly, and quickly asked other random questions.

"What's her favorite instrument?"

"She likes all instruments, but her favorite would be the cello and the bass guitar."

"What are her opinions on humanity?"

"She thinks humans are disgusting creatures, selfish and love-less. She would gladly have them disappear from the face of the earth, though she wouldn't be the one to do it. That's why_ she_ disgusts herself as well; she's selfish, and so she would be no more than happy to disappear like the rest."

"_What? _You can't possibly know that!" Kuroro exclaimed in bewilderment. "I mean, _how do you know that?"_

"Because he's a stalker." Illumi, yet again, piped in annoyingly. "And I thought you said you weren't dumb."

"Seriously, Illumi!" Kuroro hissed. "Do you have something against me?"

"You braided his hair when he was sleeping once." Hisoka commented gloomily.

A pause.

"You _what?"_ Illumi demanded in a dangerously blank voice.

"Hisoka, _not helping!"_ Kuroro sighed exasperatedly. "And what's with you and your stalking, Hisoka, it's illegal!"

"As if you care about laws." Illumi muttered.

"I was brought up in a circus." Hisoka spouted randomly.

"So? Speaking of circus, remind me why you're a clown again?" Kuroro glanced nervously at Illumi as he said so.

"Since nothing of what she likes seems to attract her, I thought…I thought her fear would at least make her notice me."

"Hisoka…" Kuroro and Illumi stared at their friend in silence. "That…is really psycho."

"_Hisoka's_ psycho. Didn't you know?" Illumi broke the silence.

"That's _it."_ Kuroro grumbled, running off to tackle the assassin and give him a good beating.

And Hisoka did nothing but silently stared into the mirror in his hand again – something _very _unlike him indeed. Sighing, he stood up, deciding to walk up the school roof top and cool his mind a bit.

**xXx**

_Maybe I really was a bit too harsh on Hisoka. _I mused as I slowly walked down the stairs.

It was quiet here; nobody came up the school roof top for it was a place The Trio and the Spiders went often.

I was still thinking to myself, when I caught sight of _him._

_A clown._

I froze. I couldn't move a muscle in my body as I stared, wide eyed at the clown, who also looked surprised to see me.

The clown had crimson red hair that was slicked back with gel, and yellow eyes that shone brightly. On his pale face were face-paintings of a pink star and a mint blue teardrop. Beautiful, but frightening. He was a real clown. A _real clown._

"Mino-chan?" The clown spoke uncertainly.

Hisoka.

It. Was. Hisoka.

_Of course _it was Hisoka. I _knew_ it was Hisoka, but…

Beads of sweat rolled down my face as I continued to stay paralyzed. It was only when Hisoka _took a step up_ the stairs that I unfroze. As fast as I could, I ran up the stairs back onto the school roof top again, my heart racing with adrenalin.

"Wait, Mino-"

I could hear Hisoka run after me, but I slammed the door shut and scrambled to find a place to run. Stupid of me, to think I could run to somewhere safe on a roof top. Stupid of me, to think I could run away from Hisoka. Stupid of me, to think I could run away from my biggest fear.

"Mino-chan-" Hisoka had caught up with me.

"NO!" I screamed at him, my body shaking. I dared not look at him for I was afraid I'd freeze again. "Don't..don't come near me. Or else I'll…"

"…Or else you'll what?" Hisoka said in a deadly quiet voice.

"I'll fall off this roof." I determined. I added, "Or you could rub off that silly clown make-up."

I could tell Hisoka was surprised by my unexpected response, but he replied evenly,

"No."

I was the one surprised this time.

"What?"

"No." Hisoka repeated.

I finally turned around, and ignoring my fear, I stared straight at him.

"Why?" I said, unaware of my shaky breathing. "Don't you care if I die? Do you hate me that much?"

Hisoka breathed out a short laugh.

"Quite the opposite, actually."

I frowned; that explained nothing.

"I love you, Mino-chan." Hisoka smiled. But his eyes were cold. "I love you too much."

My eyes widened, and this time, not only my heart was beating of fear, but of something else. Something good.

"But the problem is," Hisoka continued. "You don't love me as I do you. In fact, you barely take notice of me when I'm talking. You didn't even realize I had been like this when I talked to you this morning."

Guilt surged me at his words. I didn't know he felt so shaded out whenever I tried to push him out. …Tried to push the strange flutter in my heart out. The odd sensation I didn't have a name for.

"Why would you dress up as a clown if you…" I had a hard time trying to say the word. "…love..me."

My heart skipped a beat and started pounding harder, and that's when I froze in realization.

This feeling…it couldn't be…

"Since you never pay attention to me when I'm talking of your interests, I thought you'd notice me when I'm playing as your greatest fear."

With wide eyes, I stared straight into Hisoka's determined ones – for once my silly coulrophobia forgotten.

"It was stupid of me. To think you'd love me back when here I am, as a clown." Hisoka smiled humorlessly.

Love. Love, love, love, love, love. Yes, this was the feeling I had been feeling all along. This was the reason I thought of Hisoka all day long. This was why whenever I looked at Hisoka, my heart started racing. How stupid I was. How utterly stupid I had been.

"I'm sorry. I _am_ really blind." Hisoka smiled awkwardly. For once, he had dropped his playful act. "I should go now. I _am_ nothing but a bother to you."

"No." I croaked out, still unblinking. "Hisoka…" Tears streamed down my face as I slowly walked to stand in front of the clown. _"I'm_ sorry."

"…What?" Hisoka frowned. "Why?"

"I've been blind." I muttered thickly.

"So Machi's told me." Hisoka tried to joke, though he still looked confused.

I was crazy, I was insane. Here, in front of me, was my greatest fear – a clown. But here I was, urging to hug this clown. And with trembling arms, I proceeded in doing so.

Neither of us said anything, but Hisoka automatically hugged me just when I did. He seemed surprised by my action and his. In fact, we both were.

"…You are making absolutely no sense." Hisoka finally said. "I thought you were afraid of clowns."

"I am." And I knew he knew, for I was shaking so badly. But he probably couldn't believe it in this situation.

"But you're hugging me." Hisoka spoke dubiously.

"But I'm hugging you." I confirmed, breaking into a smile at the humorous and impossible situation we were in right now.

"Why?"

I paused at his question.

Why was I hugging him indeed? Why? The answer was simple.

"…Because I love you." I replied, a blush covering my face.

Hisoka laughed in bewilderment.

"That's crazy."

"I know." Was my response.

"_You're_ crazy."

"I know."

"_I'm_ crazy."

"I think we all know that, Hisoka." I bit back a smile as Hisoka chuckled again.

"…Mino-chan?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

I blinked, and pulling out of his hug, I stared at him. And I slapped him.

"Ah- Mino-chan~! What-"

"_No." _I continued to stare at him in disbelief.

"But why~" Hisoka pouted, having recovered from the shock and was his playful self again.

"You are impossible, Hisoka." I shook my head.

"But Mino-chan~ It's Valentine's Day today!" Hisoka whined.

Rolling my eyes, I rummaged through my pocket and pulled out a pack of Bungee Gum. And tossing it to Hisoka, I opened the roof top door and started heading down to class.

"Well then, Happy Valentine's Day."

Hisoka stared at the pack of Bungee Gum in his hand, and grinned.

"Mino-chan~ Wait!"

Smiling, I continued to walk down, as I did, I thought of my mysterious friend, the cat.

_Well, Mr. Neko. It seems you were right. Maybe I do need a boyfriend. …Maybe I've already had one from the start, and I just didn't realize it._

Yes. Mr. Neko would have been happy with my answer.

* * *

**A/N:**

***snorts to self* Yeah right. This is stupid, I feel stupid, **_**I**_** am stupid. This is crap, really. But anyway, Happy Valentine's Day! Go solos!:D**

**P.S. I did not kiss Hisoka. *throws a random vending machine at the computer* – Sorry, I'm watching Durarara! these days, and I just felt like being Shizuo.**

**Reviews, I would be happy to receive, but why you'd review such a crappy fic, I have no idea.**

**TSM (Yamino Yuki), OUT!**

**And NO, don't start calling me 'Yamino Yuki' – I'm still TSM, thank you.**


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